There is something to be said about revisiting the past. The past can not be changed and the future isn’t here yet so why worry- it’s called the present for a reason. I know it sounds so cliché to say it but- wow. Since starting this blog on New Years Eve (2019) I have started to remember things I have blocked out of my mind…You know we do that to heal right? I have been nervous about using names, places, etc. and decided that some will just have to be changed. While my journey is mine to share it isn’t someone else to share. It has taken me… many years to do this.. the last time I tried about 7 or 8 years ago it sent me in a downward spiral. No one noticed but… not really the point…… I put my journals up and haven’t picked them up since… The closet I got to speaking and sharing my testimony (or a small portion) was with the youth at my church in 2013...Later on that was used against me and rocked my faith to it’s core.
The best thing about our Lord is- HE does not give up on us. He pursues us with and endless love. After all, was He not falsely accused, beaten, spit on, and hung up on a cross to die? Yes, yes he was. Never saying a word. Yet we want to blame someone, anyone, for anything and everything in our lives. Blah, blah, blah. Poor us.
My apologies- I hit a nerve and rabbit trail at the same time. Stay with me. I’m not promising that it gets better but if you are in to ramblings- your are in the right place.
I did not have the mental strength to do a journal entry tonight. I know what is coming and honestly I am praying for His guidance on how to proceed. Keeping the objective in mind and being careful not to take unnecessary punches. But necessary punches… that could be fun… dang it.. did it again.
A friend recently said to me “Kat remember those guys that use to take care of us when we would party? They would keep us safe?” Me “Yes, yes I do” (thinking of my best friend who has passed, my boyfriend at the time, and the boys from Eclectic, Alabama who would bury someone with a quickness) Friend “They don’t exist anymore”
Me “That is so sad.”
I must be marrying the last gentleman on earth. 🙂 Yay me!
February 2000 continues tomorrow. (Look at me, all grown up and can spell February now) Thanks Grammarly! 🙂