December continues..

12/16/1999

It’s amazing how “things” can bring out the emotions hid far somewhere an by the end of the “rollar coaster” everything seems somewhat the same yet closer in the whole scene. Same people same shit. What about same shit new people. Somewhere out there? Just thinking. I do have good friends. But theres more to explore. Let my worries beside themselves. And try to think free. After all I’m still that age!?

Still that age? I was 19 at this time. 9 years older than my daughter is now.. wow that is so hard to believe. I was held captive in my own thoughts. Thank goodness social media was not even invented at this time, I would have ruined myself.

12/17/1999

Busy maybe later!….Anyways. People can change given the right “shit”. It can make them nice. Then greedy. Then make them realize their being greedy.

I know I am talking about drugs here. No one ever starts doing them thinking “I want to be an addict”. That is never the intention. It’s to “hang out” “have a good time with friends” and all those lies we tell ourselves to feel better about what we are doing. Over time it’s not fun anymore. You notice that your “friends” don’t want to share anymore. You notice that YOU don’t want to share anymore. So it begins to change…

12/22/1999

Day before X-mas eve. Everything I’m hopen for probably won’t happen but I do want to stay festive. But I want to be with Dave too. Year ahead to go. I won’t worry.
Ya Right! =)

12/27/1999

Christmas time is over. Will the world last long enough for another x-mas!?! It wasn’t all as planned but it was great. working for my parents is great. maybe not the pay but =) it will get better prob. New Years is right around the corner! I don’t know why people are freaking out. Why?! When the world ends that will be the greatest thing right! For all those who are saved that is. Who Beleive. It will end so much pain and illness and poverty. I’m happy now thats all that matters to me. I know where my place is!! Alls well that ends well. I would like to me married and watch my kids grow up. But maybe this world is getting to crazy to live in anyways. If everybody was just like me-n-dave it would be perfect. Ya right!
PEACE LOVE UNITY & RESPECT
PLUR!!

PLUR- We had started going to raves and this was the motto at that time. Everyone thought that the world was going to end in 2000. Dave and I were living in a one bedroom apartment in Auburn, AL on Debardeleben Street to be exact. One of very few apartments still standing from 20+ years ago. We invited all our friends to come since we were only a few blocks away from Toomers Corner and they were doing a ball drop that year. Most of these memories I have blocked out so I am sitting here trying to recall and decide what is to much to share lol. It seems surreal thinking back honestly.. I remember feeling champagne hit my face at the stroke of 12 as we were walking through the crowd downtown and watching what seemed like everyone kiss someone… Where was my someone? Just once I would like to kiss someone at 12 on New Years…

I would like to be married and watch my kids grow up” That one stings. Married for 14 years and divorced- I get my daughter every other week, 26 weeks a year to be exact. I’m watching her grow up alright.. not the way I thought I would and missing half her life… It’s a gut wrenching pain and I pray hard that she does not let my choices define her but that she makes much smarter choices and pays better attention to what she is doing with her life.

This was my last entry in December and not a single post in January 2000.

To be continued..

Published
Categorized as My Journey

By sheisinme2009

She is in me refers to my soul and my daughter. I love my daughter so very much, she makes my soul happy. It has been put on my heart to share my story- in the hopes that someone going through anything similar to the many things I have been through can know, they are not alone. Good people do make bad choices but please don't let them define you. Time truly does change everything... and often.