memories….. breathing……… remembering……

A very special friend made this for me. It truly embodies the life of my mother and all she would like for us to do in her passing.. Her strength before she got sick, how we should do life with her gone with traditions.. My mom loved traditions and starting new ones.

My momma would have loved all the people that came out to show their condolences and honor her memory yesterday. She loved people and to have a good time with those that she loved. Daddy and I listened to the songs before the service, just to prepare our hearts to hear them and hopefully keep it together… I think we did pretty good.

It’s so true when people say “You can never truly prepare for losing your mom” As much as I tried.. it just didn’t happen. I am one of those people that want to be as prepared as I can be for things to happen. To be blind sighted like with the death of my Best Friend, Jeremy, the death of my Sister, Christy, and Auntie Lynn..it takes the air from my lungs. Life STOPS and I can’t breathe or feel anything. It’s like the world stops turning and the pain comes in like an earthquake splitting the ground under my feet and breaking everything around me.. and nothing matters, nothing… but finding shelter.. alone. Alone to get myself together…

Keep breathing my friend says.. and I think of Dori from the movie Nemo and “I can’t remember how”. Dori was constantly forgetting.. Oh how I can relate.. I wish I was more of the “keep swimming” hahaha.

Life will go on, a new chapter. A new normal. Moments will come that will make it hard to breathe, memories will come flooding in blinding my vision.. No matter what this next year brings it will be the hardest. All the first’s… first holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries. I know… I’m “preparing” Sounds funny, doesn’t it? Morbid.. What can I say?

No matter what though, I have made a vow to ask for help when needed, let friends in, let the Lord’s word and song minister to my heart and above all make sure to live this life to the very fullest. No matter how tired or the hurt I may be feeling. Memories are what get us through these moments and memories with my husband, daughter, brother, daddy, and extended family and friends are what I vow to make more of.

Memories, Breathing, and Remembering… all very important in this life, because when we are gone.. that is all that is left for the ones left behind.

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