Overwhelmed.

I stood in my bedroom looking around at all the clothes and “stuff” that seemed to pile up to the point that I had no clue where to begin. Deep breath Kat. I walked in the dining room and looked at the kitchen table. Not the disaster it had been for months, more like organized chaos since I did take the time to separate mail from everything else that catches the kitchen table into neat piles. I should really pay those bills or at least call and tell them I can’t. Why do these birds scream like that? Why do the dogs have to follow me everywhere and this cat is so demanding!

Maybe I should get some air, check on the pool- still green. Walking outside is the same overwhelming realization as being inside. Why do we have so much stuff and where is it’s home?? I use to be somewhat organized and kept a pretty tidy house. What in the world happened? How did I let everything pile up to the point I am so overwhelmed I don’t know where to start? Is this when people hire someone to come in and tell them what to do with their stuff? Should I call a thrift store and tell them to come load up? What does one do when they have reached the point of not knowing what to do?

It’s actually more than just stuff everywhere. Those dang bills need to be contacted at the very least. My daughters birthday is coming up I need to plan that. I need to do so many things- and I am sitting here writing this. Like somehow sharing this and getting it out will what? Make me feel better? I hope if someone else feels this way, reading this makes them feel less alone. Feeling alone sucks.

I have one more day before surgery to remove the cancer that has returned behind my right ear lobe. Then 6 weeks of radiation. So so much I need to be doing and I am paralyzed by all of it. I am overwhelmed to the point I can’t do anything but sit and stare.. I am starting to understand the people I use to see in the mall or on benches.. just staring blankly. I get it bro, you ain’t alone sister. Jesus PLEASE sound the trumpets.

Rant over. For more inspiring posts read previously posted blogs, cause this one ain’t it baby.